Big Girls Don’t Cry

Hi everybody!! Hope you are all well. Here goes. It has been a long time I haven’t blogged but this one needed to come out.

Big Girls don’t cry

How many times have you heard these sentences in your life? Be strong!! Emotions are a weakness. Don’t tell people your problems. Don’t be so dramatic! You are so sensitive! Big girls or boys don’t cry.

Well I have! For the last 6 years I have been very strong going through moving to a new country, divorce, death of my dad, restarting my life as a single parent, building a business , learning to be independent and learning to be financially independent, going through the ups and downs of parenting and raising a kid with learning difficulties. Yes I have been strong and yes I have gotten through it all and yes I am very proud of myself but what about the other side of it all that we don’t talk about.

What about the emotional side of it all? What about the toll it takes on your health, your soul? What about the fact that we don’t know how to feel? Nobody taught us how. Nobody said this is sadness and you have to feel the emotion. My social worker at the time at the CLSC said to me that I needed to feel the emotion and it had to go through me, I couldn’t understand it at the time. It was too painful to feel so I would suppress it. Feeling meant acknowledging it. Meant sitting with myself. That was such a scary thought as all the thoughts would come up. Nobody taught us it is ok to acknowledge the dark thoughts. We were good girls. You can’t have those thoughts. Nobody taught us when somebody dies your soul aches deeply. Nobody taught us that when you divorce it is a death of a dream and the death of a relationship you once had and you have to feel those emotions. Nobody taught us that when you leave a country you lived in for 15 years you lost a life you knew. Nobody teaches you that when you start over you feel scared as starting your life in the unknown and anxiety and fear and a new path and loneliness are normal and it is ok to feel these feelings. Nobody told you that your are going to miss your friends so deeply. Nobody told you that moving to a new country you may not connect easily with people and it will take time. Nobody told you that you will need to feel sad, angry, disappointment, rejection, loneliness, tears joy, laughter, kindness, excitement and so many more emotions. Guess what? It is normal. There is nothing wrong with you. Actually you are learning to process your emotions. Emotions are foreign to us. When we are able to connect with our body and soul we can start to understand it. When we stop hiding our feelings we can address them. Tears are good as they release so much. They cleanse the soul.

My friend and fellow coach Aine Sun who coaches women on the Devine Feminine always says to me ask yourself What do I need? How do I feel? Connect with yourself and look after your needs.

As I always say you can’t give from an empty tank so fill your soul tank.

Things that help me understand my emotions

  1. Music – music touches my soul deeply. Sometimes we don’t know how we are feeling until we hear it
  2. Movies /talks/social media- when a word or theme catches your attention look into it.
  3. Art – painting or looking at art, that connects you with your soul.
  4. Deep conversations where you feel trust to be vulnerable – sometimes others show you what you can’t see.
  5. Coaching/mentoring – so many people in my life have taught me so much and see what I could not see. Sometimes your clients reflect things back to you too.
  6. Energy work and connecting with my subconscious mind to Declutter the emotions and beliefs that needed to be felt.
  7. Louise Hay and Inna Segal’s books on physical health and what is going on internally. Two very bad health scares I healed from doing the internal work.
  8. Building my trust muscle in myself and in God. Connecting to my intuition.
  9. Asking for help. This was the most difficult one for me.
  10. Opening up and letting people know me. That was terrifying at first. You will be surprised how connected you might be.
  11. Nature – grounding and releasing it all
  12. Prayer and just talking and listening to God and surrendering to him and asking my angels for support.

Have a great day everybody! Remember this is a journey not a destination